I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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