Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
