just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
