FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
