Apparently you make a good broom.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
