he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
