I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
