Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
