i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
