At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
