He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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