Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
