what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
