What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
