i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
