so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize