once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We have started to decorate penises.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"