I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.