Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.