I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...