Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing