he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
