i already hear my dad disowning me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
