do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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