3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
that is very illegal...i love you.
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