i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
