apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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