weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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