How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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