if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
