Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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