we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
