Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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