I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize