btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
