my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
