im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
