No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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