He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
