do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
