Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
