If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
