I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
