I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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