the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The air was thick with penises
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
