If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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