positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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