perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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