He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
