If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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