If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
