Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
