$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
