It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
