I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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