Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
