you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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