Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you made out with another girl for some wings
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
