I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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