I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
