I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.