Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober