i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.