Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize