Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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