Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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