Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize