I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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