pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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