mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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