so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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