I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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